I have a small question regarding Halloween…

Why? Why do we celebrate Halloween?


Who sat down one day and said to himself/herself,” You know what? Lets dress our kids up in scary costumes and let them ask complete strangers for candy!”

” Let’s buy a very large fruit, hallow it out and put some weird carvings into it with a candle!”

” Let’s try to scare the shit out of people in small houses filled with actors attempting to fill you with fear!”

Also- Is a pumpkin a fruit or a vegetable? Does it even matter? Like… would it be weird if I carved some weird ass shit in a zucchini? WHO CAME UP WITH THIS?

I was just on the phone with my sister, asking her these same questions. She asked me if I was on drugs ( cold medicine, you jerk.), because I’ve been sick for about a week, and I said,” NO.” But, we both agreed that I needed to blog about this.

I remember learning about Dia de los Muertos in Spanish class in highschool and thinking that it was a pretty cool cultural way to honor and remember those who have passed and share our love for them during this celebration.

But I’m Irish. I’m Lithuanian. We’re not celebrating anyones ancestors on Halloween. We’re walking up to your front door, with our huge bags full of mini sized snickers (sometimes, in our neighborhood, they give you the REAL BIG ONES), asking you for candy and skipping along. OH! And admiring who has the best pumpkin designs.

I’m very well aware of the fact that I’m the Grinch of Halloween right now, but my kids and I are sick. Also, I spent the entire weekend in Kentucky drinking bourbon, but that has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all. Nope.


It’s just weird. Not as weird as fucking ” Sweetest Day” in the Midwest, which should be banned and NEVER celebrated again because makes no sense. If you don’t know what Sweetest Day is, consider yourself lucky.


Whatever. I have to go. I bought a bag of buncha crunch last night and I need to go eat it.




*side note- this blog has nothing to do with the fact that I was once led out of a haunted house by the paramedics, because those fuckers scared me so hard I had an asthma attack…I was twenty-four years old.* #I’maloser



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