Kentucky Fried Tofu

I decided a little road trip was in order.

 

Somewhere exotic.

Somewhere refreshing.

Somewhere peaceful.

 

So, naturally we decided upon Kentucky. I  packed up, grabbed Fiona, and we were off. We forged through many states ( Ok. Whatever, it was more like three states). We searched for shelter from the angry elements outside (It was seventy-five degrees and full of sunshine.).We nearly starved (We had McDonalds alright?).

 

Finally, after the journey was over, we sprinted out of the car and onto the porch of my amazing best friend, Dina.

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First of all, KENTUCKY IS BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful. After living in subdivision suburbia for four years, we were in heaven.

 

I brought Fiona along because, Dina is one of Fiona’s FAVORITE people. I also needed someone to keep me awake while driving. If you’ve ever driven with my daughter for any amount of time, you will realize the kid cannot shut up. Constant chatter. 

 

We love Dina, her husband Chris and her various animals. They have three dogs, a cat that’s a real big jerk, and a turtle named  Kurtle.

We set out to see the sights. I didn’t realize that we would also be seeing great heights.

IMG_0959* It doesn’t look so big here, right?”

 

As my child sprinted up to the Silo, I trembled  in fear, whispering, ” Don’t look down, don’t look down.”

IMG_0960*How about now?*

 

We made it to the top. and the view was worth it all. We saw hills upon hills of beautiful greenery. We also learned that, apparently, my child is not afraid of heights.

IMG_0981* GET DOWN!*

We hit up some parks, saw some cows, picked up some wild carrots in the yard. and ate one of my absolute favorite vegan meals. I’m a meat loving, BBQ kinda gal. Dina and Chris are vegan. I would almost consider going vegan, if I could make this for myself every single day.

IMG_1044* BEHOLD! Vegan enchiladas!*

 

Dinas dogs are super sweet and cuddly, I couldn’t get enough of them. Fiona had her eyes on another pet. Kurtle. The turtle. It was the first turtle she’s ever seen up close and personal. She would hang out by the shelf his crate were on while she played nearby. A few days after returning home from Kentucky, I received this text from Dina.

 

IMG_1443* I can only assume that he felt full of despair after his new best friend left*

 

Dina referred to it as ” Turtlecide”.I wonder if they make prozac for turtles.

Either way, he’s just fine.

 

It was just a fantastic weekend, hanging with fantastic people, surrounded by fantastic scenery.

IMG_1078*Enjoying nature*

 

 

 

IMG_1127*Until next time, my friend!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Maevenator.

73C82AB1-B4C7-4279-9075-81BC70A56689*fresh out of the oven*

 

My middle chid. My beautiful baby. My ray of sunshine.

 

My little hell on wheels.

fullsizeoutput_2149” I do what I want ma, I do what I want.”

 

Maeve was born on a beautiful July night in 2015. We didn’t know what we were having, and everyone was hoping for a boy.

Something inside of me just kept bringing me back to the name Maeve. We had looked at a couple boy names, no girl names. I looked like I was giving birth to a basketball. All belly. Totally different from my first time around. Everyone thought for sure that this alien growing inside of me was going to come out with different parts.

 

NOPE. I pushed that 8 lb, 1oz sucker out and knew before they even said what she was. I knew she was Maeve. Right away. Her little smooshy face was perfect. She latched like a champ ( Shit, I mean OF COURSE SHE DID. I”ve been breastfeeding for literally a century at this point.), she was sweet, and she was a fantastic sleeper.

 

Until she learned how to crawl. Things got real right around then.

So, let me introduce you to this little ball of energy. This little maniac. This very loud, and yet very tiny human being who makes every day…interesting.

 

Mave is the best little helper. Her hobbies include drawing with sharpies on her bedroom wall and helping me empty the dishwasher.

IMG_5537“I’m going to lick them all first, then you can put them away.”

 

She has a great appetite.

6523B1D7-D7ED-4670-860D-74651371E61D*particularly, my face.*

 

 

She’s very fashionable.

IMG_0788” You’ve taken enough pictures of me, I know how to pose like an absolute angel. HAHAHAHAHAHA.”

 

She has a keen sense of adventure.

FullSizeRender” WHAT?! I’m practicing my rock climbing skills on my sisters head board. I see no problem here.”

 

We’ve discussed putting her on a leash, but I’ve come to realize that this kid walks her own path and I am happy to follow. Except when she’s running into busy streets. Those are the moments I reconsider the leash. Just for a second.

 

She’s full of joy. She takes care of her big and little sister with her unconditional love and a bit of humor.

 

This is the Maevenator.

 

IMG_6367* Life vests are kind of like leashes, because you can grab the back of them before your toddler decides to jump into a very large body of water.”

 

While I need a gallon of caffeine and a handful of carbs before I can even smile before 11 am, she wakes up every day happy and full of energy. Even at 4 am.

fullsizeoutput_1cf1“Hello world, I am here to make you better!”

 

 

She is a pretty excellent snuggle partner.

IMG_9321” I gotta tell you sis… your breath smells. But, I LOVE YOU!”

 

 

 

She’s going places.

IMG_0496* She went right over my foot ten seconds after I took this.”

 

She really has made everyday so much better. She’s also training her six month old sister to be her identical twin. More on that next time.

First born.

 

When I found out I was pregnant with my first kid, I was twenty-six years old. Literally, still a baby myself. I remember looking in the mirror at my growing belly and thinking, ” There’s no way I can be a mother. I’m still growing up. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM YET.”

 

Too late for all that kind of self-doubting chatter.

 

Fiona arrived pretty promptly about one hour after her due date. The first time I held her, I knew I was meant to do this. To be a mommy. Her mommy.

 

Shortly after this beautiful moment, all hell broke loose.

 

I lived in a circle of boobs, poop, and google.

 

Constantly checking google for things like, “ Is the color of my kids poop normal?”, “ Will my kid ever sleep through the night?”, “ I’m breastfeeding, so why am I NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT? WTF!”. This went on for months before I told google to f*ck off, I’d figure out this mom shit on my own.

 

Total lie. I found a village of moms who didn’t judge. I found that my mother, step mother, mother in law, grandmother, and many aunts, had so much love and insight to shower me with. (Even when I didn’t want to hear it.)

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*it’s important to wear heels while sleeping.*

 

Some of my proudest parenting accomplishments…

 

  1. When Fiona was reading a book about frogs. She couldn’t say “Froggy”, but she could say, “ F*cky”. I let her roll with that for a few months, mostly because it made me laugh so damn hard.
  2. I encouraged her to throw shade. She throws shade left and right to everyone. She’s a professional shade thrower.IMG_0854*shade.*
  3. She started wearing high heels at 18 months old. I can’t really take credit for that, because I hate high heels.
  4. Her favorite thing for dinner is  ground beef. I’m very confused about this, but hey! She’s getting a good supply of iron.
  5. She enjoys putting her sister on a leash while walking around the house.
  6. She wants to be an engineer when she grows up.

IMG_0858* expert nose picker*

The older she grows the better it gets.

IMG_0850*pure joy*

 

IMG_0853*mamas little helper*

 

We liked having Fiona around so much, we decided to have another. Stay put. You’ll meet her soon.

Bonjour, you hot mama, you.

Ok, first off- I have no idea if you’re a hot mom. I’m guessing you are though. Because… WE ALL ARE. We are hot moms with baby food in our hair, baby poop on our finger, someone’s barf on our favorite flip flops. You are still hot. Keep on doing what you’re doing. Just make sure you wash the poop off your hands before you bite into an apple…(not that I know that from experience…).

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*Cheers!*

If you’re looking for a mom blog that talks about fashion, my fashion is yoga pants and the same shirt I’ve slept in for three days. You my friend, are in the wrong place.

If you’re looking for a mom blog about makeup… I get to put makeup on like once a week. I used to be a makeup artist for Clinique. Now, I’m lucky if I can get a coat of mascara on my eyes on a Thursday morning when we’re already late for preschool.

If you’re looking for a mom blog about eating healthy… shut up. You eat what you can eat while your kids are throwing their food at each other across the table.

If you’re looking for a mom blog about exercise, that’s awesome. I also feel like chasing my three children is enough of a gym membership for me. Can I get an amen?

This is a mom blog about about absolute nonsense. The best kind of nonsense. The nonsense of three little girls.

Three girls who make every single day so much better. Three girls who are lovely and sweet. Three girls that remind me daily how precious and chaotic life is.

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*my baby queens: Fiona, Maeve & Lucille*

Three girls who routinely throw food at each other. Three girls who laugh at each other when they fart. Three girls who enjoy hardcore rap while I cook dinner in the kitchen every night. Three girls who routinely say ridiculous things. (Remember a few years back that whole Target credit card fraud thing happened? My then two year old, over heard a conversation about our bank accounts having fraudulent activity. She then looked at my with the absolute innocence of a tiny toddler and said, ” OH F*CK!”. I applauded her on her excellent ability to use the word F*CK  in the proper context.)

So, if you enjoy stories about kids saying and doing crazy things, you are in the right place my friend. Perhaps, you enjoy stories about a mom who says and does equally ridiculous things. If not, just stick around anyway. Trust me.

Brace yourself. Brace. Yourself.

bcfdf7811781ea1140c36dfae17ef177
*via Pinterest*
* Wake up everyday and say this to yourself as you clean the peas and puke off your floor*